Thursday, March 24, 2011

Big Fat Epic Major Fail

Our school cafeteria ("The Crossroads") tried to make a "BBQ Pork Sandwich" the special today. I wanted to get one because I miss having that good ol' country cooking back in Virginia. I LOVE pulled pork! Unfortunately, however, this is Idaho. And they have no clue about any of the major BBQ pork sandwich rules. For those that don't know, here's a list:

1. A BBQ pork sandwich much always be synonymous with a pulled pork sandwich. If the pork isn't pulled, you're stuck with a disgusting, dry chunk of pork coated in a sauce on the outside, but try and hard to eat on the inside. Not cool.

2. The ratios must be appropriate. There must be enough BBQ sauce to fully coat the entire outside of the pulled pork. This is why rule number one is so important. If the pork isn't pulled, there's no way you could possibly have enough sauce. Also, the bread to pulled pork ratio must be in tact. None of this stupid 95% meat and 5% bread. Who wants that? There has to be enough bread or you might as well not have any at all and be eating it with a fork!

3. BBQ Pulled Pork sandwiches must always be served with cole slaw. Always. There are no exceptions to this rule. God was kind enough to make it so that nobody is allergic to cole slaw for this very purpose.

4. Fries are an unacceptable side for a pulled pork sandwich. Have these guys never heard of potato chips!? We're in Idaho, people! Get your potato styles right!

5. Always have extra sauce ready, just in case. Put it by the ketchup. Or, better yet, replace the ketchup. Some people like more sauce. Let them! It's okay.

6. There has to be at least a little bit of fat in the pork. It adds flavor and makes the pork the delightsome meal that it is! Make sure there is fat... not to much, not too little. See rule number 2 about proportions.

7. BY FAR THE MOST IMPORTANT! Remember: we don't eat these for their nutritional value. If I wanted to be healthy, I would have bought the grilled chicken salad.

There you have it. The seven major rules of BBQ Pulled pork sandwiches. I hope you all learned something new today.

Gosh, I miss Virginia!

3 comments:

Old Man With a radio transmitter in his car said...

Yummmy. Makes me wish we had a Sonny's or a Smokey Bones somewhere around here.

Old Man With a radio transmitter in his car said...

Next Saturday is general conference, and for the traditional PH dinner before the PH session, --- we're having ... pulled pork! Every guy is supposed to bring something. I thought maybe I should bring potato salad and cole slaw. Any other suggestions?

Old Man With a radio transmitter in his car said...

Frites, maybe, double-cooked in lard?